Pep Talk [Canada x Male!Reader]

“Hey. I'm not a lumberjack, or a fur trader...and I don't live in an igloo or eat blubber, or own a dogsled...and I don't know Jimmy, Sally or Suzy from Canada, although I'm certain they're really, really nice. I have a Prime Minister, not a President. I speak English and French, NOT American. And I pronounce it 'ABOUT', NOT 'A BOOT'. I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack. I believe in peace keeping, NOT policing. DIVERSITY, NOT assimilation. AND THAT THE BEAVER IS A TRULY PROUD AND NOBLE ANIMAL. A TOQUE IS A HAT, A CHESTERFIELD IS A COUCH, AND IT IS PRONOUNCED 'ZED' NOT 'ZEE' . . . 'ZED'!!! CANADA IS THE SECOND LARGEST LAND MASS! THE FIRST NATION OF HOCKEY! AND THE BEST PART OF NORTH AMERICA! MY NAME IS MATTHEW!! AND I. AM. CANADIAN!”

“.....”

“.....”

“.....”

“.....”

“.....”

“.....”

“.....”

“.....”

“...Whoa.”

“[N-Name]!”



-Extended Ending-



[Name] watched the recording of Matthew’s “pep talk” that he had made earlier that morning, an even wider smile spreading across his face. “No one is going to believe this.”

“[N-Name] please! Delete it!” Matthew whispered as he tried to take the video camera from [Name]’s hands, his face flushed with embarrassment.

“Who're you?” The polar bear clinging to Matthew’s back asked innocently.

[Name] looked up from his camera and glared at Kumajiro, his voice echoing throughout the house as he yelled, “He is Matthew. And HE. IS. CANADIAN!”

“...Maple...”